


Flame You Came From Me

by sam_erotica



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Bottom Jared, Emotionally Unstable Jared, First Time, Jensen Fucks Up, M/M, Making Up, Mental Health Issues, Top Jensen, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 01:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12400698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_erotica/pseuds/sam_erotica
Summary: Jensen makes a big mistake. A tale of love, forgiveness, and psychosis.





	Flame You Came From Me

**Author's Note:**

> I really have no excuse for this. I'm sorry. (Work inspired by Sia's "Eye of the Needle.")

  
"I think we want different things, Jared."

The silence stretches out between them. Jared suddenly feels profoundly out of his element, cheek still resting on Jensen's naked shoulder, right hand still cupping Jensen's softening cock, world falling apart. His awareness funnels down to the blood pounding in his left ear and Jensen's come webbing between his fingers. Disbelief explodes from Jared's lungs.

"What?" 

He begins to slowly untangle himself from the man he thought he knew.

"What are you saying to me?"

Jensen sits up, eyes focused on the mess of sheets between them.

"It's just, you want a whole life with me and I'm not... I can't... I don't think I can be what you need, baby."

Jared swallows the bile down. Who is this man, calling him _baby_ , saying they were over while his _'I love you, Jensen'_ still echoes painfully in the air between them?  


Jared reaches for his pants.

"I don't think you get to call me baby while you're breaking up with me, Jen."

"Breaking up...? I didn't...that's not what... shit."

The anger floods Jared's senses like a Tsunami, roaring, drowning all in its path.

"What the fuck else is this?!!" Jared screams as he buttons his jeans, pulls a tshirt forcefully over his head. "I say I love you and you say we want different things! Don't be fucking naive. This isn't a fight over what to order for dinner, Jensen! This is you ending things with me."

Jared's voice cracks as he says it. He watches his hands shake around his shoelaces rather than face Jensen's shocked eyes and beautiful soft mouth, still bruised from kissing, frozen in a surprised and glistening 'O'.

*****

_iMessage  
To: Chad  
From: Jared_

__

__

_Fuck, you were right. I was stupid. I fell in love with him and he doesn't feel the same. I'm gonna get drunk and sleep for a month, man. Count me out for movie night this time, ok?_

He doesn't say: _I'm such an idiot. I didn't deserve someone like him anyway. Steve was right. I'm well and truly broken._

He doesn't look at the three responses he receives almost immediately.

*****

It turns out, the human body actually cannot cry indefinitely. However, once dehydration sets in and it feels as if the tear ducts have run dry, it is still possible to go through the motions of weeping. It is still possible for Jared's face to crumple like paper at the mere thought of Jensen's hand cupping his cheek. He can almost feel it resting there, if he focuses intently enough. It is still possible for his lungs to seize and his abdomen to cramp against the despair, to feel as if he's about to vomit right there, hovering over his bathroom sink, weak and out of control.

It's not just the hangover. Jared finds out what it feels like to keep crying long after you stop crying.

*****

_And if I move on  
I admit you're gone  
I ain't ready_

There's a pounding in Jared's head that almost matches the tempo of a pounding on his front door. He stares out at his bedroom with one eye, the other squished into the light blue cotton of his pillowcase, and wonders if this is what denial feels like. A suspended world. A moment in time. His normal bedroom with normal white walls and a normal bathroom door and a very normal pile of laundry. No space for gut-wrenching heartbreak in here.

He sinks further into his bedspread and becomes aware of the sensation of invisibility. Nothing more can happen to him if he just lies very, very still. The knocking continues, and maybe there's a voice out there too, calling his name. _Jared, c'mon, open up!_ Jared doesn't move. Chad has a key, he can use it if he wants. Jared's feels like his body has become flame, and he sinks into the bed as it burns, ash and smoke invading all his senses.

Maybe he misunderstood the whole thing, or it was just a bad dream. He takes a deep breath, tries that on for a minute. It doesn't feel possible, but that impossible thought feels better than these constricted muscles and tear-stained pillows. Maybe that's not Chad's voice outside his door, maybe it's Jensen and they're still together and Jared won't have to admit he just lost the best part of his life.

*****

_You're locked inside my heart  
Your melody's an art  
I won't let the terror in_

Jensen was the match to Jared's slow flowing gasoline.

He played Jared's body like a cello. The first night they spent together, after a dinner of Tex-mex and too much laughter, Jensen leaned into Jared's space easily. Fingers wrapping securely around the angle of Jared's hip, Jensen whispered into his jaw "I don't want this night to end yet. I just want to keep touching you."

Jared wanted that too, whispered "yes" and gave in to the crackling blaze of his desire as Jensen unwrapped his body with reverence, his skin burning with each brush of Jensen's fingertips.

"So fucking beautiful," Jensen breathed as he looked down at Jared, moved to rest between his legs, wrapped worshipping fingers around his solid length. Jared felt himself leaking flame onto Jensen's hand, the sheets around them smoldering, the light around them refracting, the music of their ragged breathing filling the room.

Jensen pulled Jared's legs up to rest on his hips, pushed in slowly. As they moved together, as Jensen pulled him closer and pulsed deeper inside him, Jared forgot to breathe. All that was left was the echo of the crescendo of his orgasm, sweat and sparks between them, and the whine of a distant siren.

*****

_Step and repeat  
Tears fall to the beat  
Smile through pain_

After about 40 hours, Jared tries. He sits up, lightheaded, thinks about taking a shower, or at least brushing his teeth, looks idly toward his closed bathroom door. He thinks he hears someone moving around the apartment, hears the quiet beat of that club music Chad likes. He hears the dishwasher running.

The bathroom door opens, and Jensen walks out, towel wrapped precariously around his hips, water dripping from his hair. He looks amazing, and he looks ... wrong. He glances at Jared reeling from the shock with a smirk, the air around him vibrating. He looks like fire.

"What are you doing?" Jared asks.

Fire-Jensen laughs. "Having a shower, babe."

Jared finds his feet, stands. "No, here. What are you doing here?"

Fire-Jensen cocks his head, looks back with glowing eyes. "I'm not. I'm not really here. You know this."

Jared crumbles.

*****

There are voices in the other room. Too many voices.

"I don't know why you're even here, man." Chad. Exasperated.

"I was only gone for three days, what the fuck happened to him?!" Jensen. Hysterical.

"Like you care!" Sandy, angrier than she has ever been. "You know how he is! You know what happened to him, before!"

"Sandy, shh..."

"No, Chad! How does he get to just waltz back in here? How is that ok?"

Overwhelming silence, then the sound of water rushes into Jared's ears, loud, insistent. "...just thought he deserved better than me..."

A pause. "So? So, what changed?"

_Whoosh, whoosh..._ "...nothing without him. I love him back, I need to tell him that."

Then nothing until the door opens, closes again.

Jared cracks opens his eyes, takes a sideways glance toward the new figment of his imagination. This Jensen looks wrecked, sleep-deprived and nervous as he leans back on the closed door and directs his worried eyes to Jared's prone form.

"You're not really here," Jared croaks and turns away, tears prickling behind his eyelids. "You're not real."

Jensen explodes into Jared's space, wrapping his scalding body in a cooling embrace. His skin hisses next to Jensen's. Autumn water over scorched summer rocks.

"I'm here, baby. I'm real and I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm not going anywhere."

Real. Nervous and sorry and real. Jared takes a breath.

Drowning. Saved.


End file.
